{"id":4386,"date":"2023-11-08T10:04:51","date_gmt":"2023-11-08T15:04:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/?p=4386"},"modified":"2023-11-08T10:04:52","modified_gmt":"2023-11-08T15:04:52","slug":"setting-boundaries-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Hande Walker, MA, LLP<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not rare that I hear from my clients, \u201cI don\u2019t need to set boundaries with people around me because people around me are really nice to me\u201d when I get curious about their ability to enforce healthy boundaries. There is a belief that we need to set boundaries with \u201cill-intentioned individuals who have wronged us in any way.”\u00a0Setting boundaries is not just to\u00a0prevent others from taking advantage of or manipulating us. To me, that is a clear indicator that you have already failed to set appropriate boundaries (for very understandable reasons) and that these people did not have any guidelines\/rules in place to know how to treat you well.\u00a0\u00a0Sure, there may be people who are not respecting of these boundaries even when you are capable of setting them, because your boundaries have no place in their world; it is not fitting with their \u201cself-centered view\u201d of a relationship. However, as a therapist, it is not the egocentric, manipulative, patronizing, excessively demanding partner my clients are trying to set a boundary with. It is usually the relatively healthier partner who would be willing to respect a boundary in order to make their relationship work, because healthy people will respect and honor your boundaries. They will also be happy that you are working on yourself and developing assertiveness skills. For understandable reasons, it is more difficult to set limits with people who we know love and respect us dearly. We are quick to give them the benefit of the doubt they very much deserve, and we prioritize their wellbeing by mistakenly thinking our boundaries will hurt their feelings. To me, if I\u2019m setting a boundary with someone, that means I love and care about them enough that I choose to invest in my relationship. I want them to be in my life so much so that I openly communicate about my physical, emotional, intellectual, and financial boundaries with them, with the expectation that they will respect my needs as a partner, friend, daughter, employee, etc. That way, I am not setting them up for failure by clearly communicating my expectations, and deepening my connection with them further in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you find yourself manufacturing one excuse after another by saying, \u201cI do not need to set boundaries with people\u201d, I encourage you to revisit your core values and beliefs and question whether you are living your life aligned with these crucial values. What does your day-to-day life look like? Is something or someone getting in the way, with all the good intentions? Are you feeling entitled (a word that may feel so wrong to people who struggle with boundaries) to request that alone time\/space to pursue a hobby that you do not consider a priority?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is possible to improve your time management skills\/efficiency by reorganizing your life and being more mindful of the way you use your time. AND, you can also consider asking for the help\/support of a partner to see if there is a way they can participate more in the household projects to help take the load off your shoulders. Assuming you have already asked for this need to get met, and the response was negative – here is an example of a healthy expression of needs and boundary setting:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I really love spending my time painting. I feel that it gets me in that state of flow where I forget about the world, which is exactly what I need when I am so busy with work and responsibilities. When I am the only one completing chores\/projects around the house, I do not get enough time to pursue\u00a0my hobbies and I feel\u00a0drained. When my needs are not met and I feel unheard, it makes me feel alone in this relationship. I want our relationship to be a place where we can both do what we need to take care of ourselves \u2060\u2014 so please, in the future, can you be more responsive to my needs by letting me know when you are not able to get a project\/chore done and problem solve, so I do not have to worry about it? Perhaps we can assign tasks to both of us to ensure we know what is expected of us, etc.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again, in healthy relationships, people will respect that boundary and will work hard with you to improve your relationship without making you feel \u201ctoo much\u201d for expressing these needs. As long as you express a need constructively in an assertive manner,\u00a0\u00a0it is not your responsibility to manage the other person\u2019s feelings if they feel hurt by this. You can, of course, be loving, caring, and compassionate in the process, and hold space for their hurt. The key is that you don\u2019t have to choose between others or yourself; there is room for everyone\u2019s feelings in healthy partnerships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Hande Walker, MA, LLP It is not rare that I hear from my clients, \u201cI don\u2019t need to set boundaries with people around me because people around me are really nice to me\u201d when I get curious about their ability to enforce healthy boundaries. There is a belief that we need to set boundaries […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4387,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,69,60,54,75,68,61],"tags":[70,63,66,74,71,64,65],"yoast_head":"\nSetting Boundaries in Relationships - Evolve Therapy Group<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Congratulations, you\u2019re now officially a college student! It has been a few years since I began my college experience. You will no doubt feel excited, overwhelmed, and naturally even homesick. These next few years will be a transformative journey away from home that will be thrilling and challenging. It's normal to experience some anxiety as you navigate through this new chapter of your life. But fear not! In this blog, we'll provide you with practical tips and advice to help you adjust to college life and manage any anxiety that may arise.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Setting Boundaries in Relationships - Evolve Therapy Group\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Congratulations, you\u2019re now officially a college student! It has been a few years since I began my college experience. You will no doubt feel excited, overwhelmed, and naturally even homesick. These next few years will be a transformative journey away from home that will be thrilling and challenging. It's normal to experience some anxiety as you navigate through this new chapter of your life. But fear not! In this blog, we'll provide you with practical tips and advice to help you adjust to college life and manage any anxiety that may arise.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Evolve Therapy Group\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/evolvetherapygroup\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-11-08T15:04:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-11-08T15:04:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1640\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"924\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Janice Twesten\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Janice Twesten\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships - Evolve Therapy Group","description":"Congratulations, you\u2019re now officially a college student! It has been a few years since I began my college experience. You will no doubt feel excited, overwhelmed, and naturally even homesick. These next few years will be a transformative journey away from home that will be thrilling and challenging. It's normal to experience some anxiety as you navigate through this new chapter of your life. But fear not! In this blog, we'll provide you with practical tips and advice to help you adjust to college life and manage any anxiety that may arise.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships - Evolve Therapy Group","og_description":"Congratulations, you\u2019re now officially a college student! It has been a few years since I began my college experience. You will no doubt feel excited, overwhelmed, and naturally even homesick. These next few years will be a transformative journey away from home that will be thrilling and challenging. It's normal to experience some anxiety as you navigate through this new chapter of your life. But fear not! In this blog, we'll provide you with practical tips and advice to help you adjust to college life and manage any anxiety that may arise.","og_url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/","og_site_name":"Evolve Therapy Group","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/evolvetherapygroup\/","article_published_time":"2023-11-08T15:04:51+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-11-08T15:04:52+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1640,"height":924,"url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Janice Twesten","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Janice Twesten","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/"},"author":{"name":"Janice Twesten","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ae15dfbbb7d35328906efa28f423e500"},"headline":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships","datePublished":"2023-11-08T15:04:51+00:00","dateModified":"2023-11-08T15:04:52+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/"},"wordCount":827,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png","keywords":["broken trust","communication","couples therapy","life transitions","partnerships","relationships","spouse"],"articleSection":["Boundaries","Empowerment","General","Individual Therapy","Life Transitions","Relationships","Telehealth"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/","url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/","name":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships - Evolve Therapy Group","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png","datePublished":"2023-11-08T15:04:51+00:00","dateModified":"2023-11-08T15:04:52+00:00","description":"Congratulations, you\u2019re now officially a college student! It has been a few years since I began my college experience. You will no doubt feel excited, overwhelmed, and naturally even homesick. These next few years will be a transformative journey away from home that will be thrilling and challenging. It's normal to experience some anxiety as you navigate through this new chapter of your life. But fear not! In this blog, we'll provide you with practical tips and advice to help you adjust to college life and manage any anxiety that may arise.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Blog-Cover-17.png","width":1640,"height":924,"caption":"Blog Cover (17)"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/setting-boundaries-in-relationships\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Setting Boundaries in Relationships"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/","name":"Evolve Therapy Group","description":"Evolve Therapy Group is a private practice providing therapy and counseling in Grand Rapids, MI.","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#organization","name":"Evolve Therapy Group Psychotherapy and Counseling Services","url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/therapists-near-grand-rapids-mi.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/therapists-near-grand-rapids-mi.jpg","width":750,"height":422,"caption":"Evolve Therapy Group Psychotherapy and Counseling Services"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/evolvetherapygroup\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/evolvetherapygroup\/"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/#\/schema\/person\/ae15dfbbb7d35328906efa28f423e500","name":"Janice Twesten","sameAs":["https:\/\/evolvet14202001.wp01.tmd.cloud"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4386"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4386"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4386\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4389,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4386\/revisions\/4389"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/evolvetherapygroup.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}