Anyone familiar with the symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) will recognize that this condition can impact communication. In turn, communication challenges can affect relationships. Inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness can lead to misunderstandings, frustrations, and mixed signals. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Steady, respectful, face-to-face communication is a powerful antidote for a wide range of relationship concerns. Even a diagnosable disorder like ADHD can be effectively managed when both partners commit to a healthy, productive process. Let’s face it, relationships involve work, and under the most ideal of circumstances, issues will arise. If ADHD symptoms are present, the communication needed to resolve these issues may take a little more effort. Let’s explore the dynamics.
How ADHD Can Affect a Relationship
Right from the start, ADHD will make its presence felt. Generally speaking, people with ADHD provide non-stop attention once a connection is made. Some call this love-bombing, but there is no ulterior motive. It’s just that ADHD can inspire a singular focus, at least for a while. Without healthy communication, this reality can be tricky.
Also, the neurotypical partner can struggle with having to be “the organized one.” It’s a heavy load that can result in a parent-child dynamic that puts quite a damper on romance. The same goes for couples who live together. There are always chores, errands, and more needing to be done. ADHD or not, both of you must carry your share of the load. As you can imagine, all of the above can lead to plenty of finger-pointing.
How to Build and Maintain Relationship Communication When ADHD Is Present
Talking too Much and Losing Track of the Topic
It’s mostly accepted that conversations are about sharing. If you have ADHD, you know this, but you can’t always act on it. You get excited and end up dominating the discussion. You interrupt and often take off on conversational tangents. To avoid these tendencies, you can start by actively training yourself to ask questions to help develop a back-and-forth rhythm. As for going off-topic, work with your partner to develop secret signals to pre-empt a detour before it happens.
Forgetfulness and Distractions
People accuse you of “zoning out” when you forget what you were going to say or lose the plot of the general conversation. First of all, remind yourself that this happens to everyone, and you are not uniquely flawed.
As for practical steps, get in the habit of writing down pre-conversation notes. Don’t be shy about checking your list to make sure you say what you feel needs to be said. And you can always ask for a recap when necessary to help keep you on point. If you feel too distracted to stay focused, state this reality out loud and ask if you can talk in another location or another time.
Impulsivity
Emotional regulation is a common human problem. We sometimes allow our feelings to control our behaviors. With ADHD, it may seem like this occurs frequently. Once again, you have the right to step away from a potentially volatile interaction. Give yourself room to breathe as you work to stay positive, prepare to listen, and avoid the blame game.
Taking Action: The Sooner, the Better
As you read through the above information, it may sound like trying to navigate a minefield. That’s why ADHD therapy is so valuable. While anyone with ADHD may have their own therapist, as a couple, you may want to ask for a different type of help through couples therapy. In the safe space of a therapy room, under the watchful eye of an unbiased guide, so much can be revealed and addressed.
ADHD doesn’t have to become a source of chronic frustration in a relationship. To learn new ways to improve your communication, I invite you to reach out soon.
