Sure, parents can spend a lot of time griping about their kids, right? But when the time comes for one or more of their kids to move out, you get a deeper perspective of their bond. This is empty nest syndrome in action.
While it’s not an official diagnosis, the experience of saying goodbye to a child can cause disorders like anxiety or depression to emerge. Trouble can arise when the signs are not recognized or taken seriously.
It’s normal for children to grow up and move on. Therefore, it’s also normal to feel some sadness about such transitions. But if the fallout becomes chronic and overwhelming, you may need to ask for help.
Are All Parents Susceptible to Empty Nest Syndrome?
There are countless specific realities to consider, but here are some factors that can exacerbate the feelings of loss caused by empty nest grief:
- If the parents have an unhappy marriage, a child moving out can be harder to deal with
- Perhaps one of the parents had a tough time back when they first moved out
- Some people perceive change as something inherently stressful
- Fears about their child’s well-being
- Many parents get their sense of identity and self-worth from their role as a parent
- Empty nest grief is often more intense for women
Reimagining Motherhood
More often than not, mothers are the primary caregivers. Hence, their life will change the most when their children are no longer living with them. It can be a form of reality collapse to look around and realize that your role as a mother has changed very dramatically. Studies have found that mothers can take up to two years to adjust to all the transitions involved.
6 Signs You May Be Experiencing Empty Nest Grief
1. You Feel Out of Control
When your children are under your roof, you are typically able to maintain some control over their daily habits and patterns. This is an important part of parenting and can bring forth feelings of fear once that control is relinquished. It can manifest in anxiety and all its related symptoms.
2. Feeling Lost
When your child was there, you had a clear mission. But what’s your purpose now? Such a shift can leave a parent confused and floundering for a while.
3. Marital Strife
Problems between you and your spouse can often be swept under the rug when there are kids to raise. These issues now have space to resurface and demand your full attention.
4. An Inability to Regulate Your Emotions
The uncertainty of a big change has the potential to impact emotional regulation. Someone dealing with empty nest grief can feel volatile. From crying spells to angry outbursts, your emotions can appear quite suddenly.
5. Loud Inner Critic
First of all, without a kid nearby to care for, you can feel useless. Also, there’s the reality that you’re now old enough to experience empty nest syndrome. Your inner monologue might be getting mean-spirited on topics like aging and self-worth.
6. Loneliness
Of course, your home will feel emptier. However, it’s more than likely that you haven’t tended to your social life as much as you would’ve liked. How do you reconnect with old friends and/or forge new friendships? It can be daunting and lonely to ponder.
Consider Your Options
From learning new skills to building your social circle, you have plenty of options. You feel off-kilter now, but with some guidance, you can discover exciting, fresh ways to live. You can also start prioritizing your marriage again. All of this — and more — is made smoother with help from an experienced grief therapist. Let’s connect and talk about dealing with your grief soon.
